Tuesday, March 6, 2012


For the majority of my dating life, I've been the girl who has my guard up. I have trust issues and letting a guy into my heart is a very big deal to me. A few years ago I started to make a conscious effort to take some of my walls down. Jack Daniels was the first recipient of that, The Name has been the second.

I've been falling for The Name for awhile now. For the first time in my life I'm expressing my emotions honestly and openly. He's less of a communicator but when I'm with him i feel like he shows me. But the problem is, with his job and now the move, I don't see him very often. I feel lost because I'm not getting the chance to see how he feels. I keep throwing my emotions out there and while he definitely doesn't reject them, I feel like they just float in this abyss. I'm vulnerable with him and it's new and scary for me. And it's difficult that he does not reinforce security for me in the way I'm accustomed to. I love him. And at times i can see such potential for us. And yet I'm scared that us being apart isn't going to give me enough connection and reassurance. I'm scared to admit this, but I'm not sure if he wants what I want or can give me the emotional support I need.

I know he cares about me, but once again I'm scared that it's not enough. That I'm not enough. We need to talk. And I'm hopeful we can resolve this, but I'm also terrified. I need to be enough for him to fight for. I need to be worth him becoming vulnerable and going outside his comfort zone too. I need my feelings to matter to him enough that he wants to reassure me. Am I enough?

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