Monday, August 30, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 9

I've been thinking about this post for the past couple days. I lived a very transient lifestyle for the first half of my life (if my count is right, I went to 10 schools before I'd reached high school) so I've lost touch with many people who I've cared for deeply. Whether it was distance, timing, or we'd just served our purpose for each other, I'm not sure. When it came to this post, I was sure who I was going to write it about (and believe me she's worth it)*, but when today came a different person was laid on my heart. A person who I hadn't thought of in a little while, but who I miss dearly.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Little Miss S came in to my life when my world was in chaos. I met her in the 6th grade. I was young and lost and broken. Looking back at it, she was too. Yet at the time she appeared so strong to me. She had deep brown unruly hair, a crooked nose, and a smile that was infectious...if you got to see it. Not many people did.

She was my partner in crime before I knew what real crime was. I had other friends...the "good girls", but Little Miss S let me be wild and crazy even if we were only 11. With her, I didn't have to hide the insanity that my life was. We smoked, drank (slipped peppermint schnapps into iced tea), and climbed out of the window at night to sit on rooftops and talk for hours. We never did anything terribly bad, but I didn't have to pretend things were perfect with her. She just was there. She accepted me for me regardless of any of the issues in my life. I did the same for her. We were just able to be two scared, flawed little girls who thought they could conquer the world but were terrified and exhilarated at where it might take them. She literally and metaphorically held my hand when I needed a friend more than anything in the world.

On one very dark day in my life (which will come up in another #30DaysOfTruth post), I considered taking my own life. I didn't think I had anything left to lose. Little Miss S stopped me. At 13 years old she sat with me and told me what an incredible person I was, she told me that I had more to live for, she let me know how much I meant to her, and she convinced me that I would somehow impact the world if I just gave it a chance. She let me know that I'd never have to be alone.

Just a few months after that night, we moved away. My mom took us to Nor Cal so she could rebuild our life. Before I left, Little Miss S and I had a conversation. We swore that despite the distance and even if somehow we lost touch, we'd always be there in spirit for each other. For a few years after I moved, we did our best to stay in touch. We sent each other letters and I even got to visit once. But somehow in my high school years we lost touch. I moved so often back then, and she did too...and somehow our letters just didn't get to each other anymore. I don't where she is. I've tried looking on social networking sites, I've Googled...but so far I've yet to find her. I'll keep trying forever.

But regardless of if I ever find her again, Little Miss S will always be one of my dearest, one of my best friends. She is in my heart and I feel her with me when times get tough. I lean on her and the strength that she gave me in my weakest of moments. I hope she feels the same.

*I did drift & lose touch with a very close friend, but we have since found our way back into each others lives. We discussed what caused us to lose touch. We've shared our loss of the years we missed. And we've worked at building a friendship that I think can and will be even stronger than what we had before.

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