Friday, September 10, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 19

I just finished the last post so now it's time to move on to something that for me is more relevant to the soul searching that inspired me to take on this challenge...

I found it rather odd that this challenge asked you about a hero that had let you down, but did not focus on one who had inspired you. Instead it asked you to write about a band that had helped you through hard times. Really? Well instead of either of those, I'd like to focus on a person who has inspired me, who has helped me through rough times, and who has set an example of the type of qualities I hope I can emulate. I find that far more honest than discussing a band I've probably never met or truly engaged with...

Day 19 → A hero who has inspired you. 

Again, I don't believe in heroes (because all people are flawed and cannot begin to live up to hero status), however, I do believe people have qualities & characteristics that are heroic or inspiring. 

My mother has inspired me. 

As I've touched on in other posts, my mother is far from perfect. F-A-R from perfect. Yet it is some of my mom's flaws that have enabled her to inspire me.

I almost did an individual post regarding her the other day that was not a part of #30DaysOfTruth. Instead I decided to wait and do it here. Two days ago my mom reached a milestone in her life. She has now officially been clean and sober for 20 years. 20 years. I'm in awe. At one point in my life, my mom was one of the most broken, dysfunctional, people I've ever met. She was angry, bitter, resentful. She was depressed, manipulative, and hurtful. She was the complete opposite of what she is today. 

Today, my mom is one of the most dedicated and determined people I've ever met. She fought her way back to sanity, to emotional stability, to being a loving, respectful, kind person. My mom doesn't deny the person she was - she owns every bit of the awful human being used to be. She takes responsibility for her actions and holds herself accountable for the damage she did to herself and others. She has forgiven herself for her flaws yet is determined to be a better person today who won't make those same mistakes.

My mom still isn't perfect. She still has a ton of shortcomings that she's working on, but she is an example to me of what you can do when you set your mind to something. I admire her strength. I am awestruck by the kindness she exudes and the true love in her heart. My mom's still scatterbrained. She still isn't good at managing money. She sometimes still makes spontaneous decisions without thinking through all the steps. But despite her quirks, despite the rough path she lead us down, there is no other person I look up to more. I know other people only see the rough around the edges. They see the tatters, scars, and bruises of a woman who has made bad decisions. What I see is the sparkle in her eyes that glows brighter because she has survived those scars and bruises. I see the kindness, patience, and love that outlasted the pain.

Mom - I love you and am so incredibly proud of you. You are an inspiration to me everyday. Thank you for being willing to do the work to give me back my mother.

No comments:

Post a Comment