Tuesday, September 28, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 27

I know I stalled out a bit on #30DaysOfTruth, but I am still committed to completing it. I originally planned to do it in 30 consecutive days, but also I've wanted to answer each question as authentically as possible. For me, it was impossible to do those simultaneously. Some of the questions I had to ponder on for awhile. Some, I just needed the extra time to emotionally prepare for. It's been more of a journey than I ever expected.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

I'm not even sure exactly what this question means. The best thing going for me? ...
It's taken me days to think about this question and try and figure out a "true" answer. It really had no clue where to go with the answer.

Two days ago, while sitting on the beach with an almost-suitor*, I figured out my answer.

Hope. I have hope. I never realized exactly how important that was.

The past few months have been well a bit crazy. Financially things have been a roller coaster ride. Emotionally, one minute they've been a tornado leaving a path of destruction and the next they've been like basking in the summer sun. Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning in circles so fast and am so disoriented that I don't know which way is up anymore.

On Sunday, I was feeling pretty "off". I was lonely and emotionally a bit vulnerable. The weekend had opened up some old wounds and I felt them. After a few strange turns I ended up sitting on the beach with a guy I'll name Y.A.D. I was there to comfort him, to sit and talk, and just "be". And for both of us, heading in to somewhere in nature (the coast, the mountains, a forest) helps. So we sat with the breeze and the sun. I listened. And in hearing him talk I realized he was lost. He was so sad that he couldn't see beyond it. He didn't have hope anymore. And then it hit me...

There are a lot of things in my life that are far from what I want them to be. I want love. I want to start my own little nuclear family** I want stability. I want excitement. I want spirituality. I want growth. But regardless of feeling like some of these things aren't where I wish they were, I have hope that I'll get there. I have faith that it will happen for me. That's the best thing going for me in my life. There are times where I'm sad because I feel like I'm still waiting... But I'm confident that I'm on the right path. I'm not lost. I have hope. 

*He may or may not come up in future posts. I'm not sure yet how relevant to my life he's going to be.
**I'll still always hold on to my other nuclear family as well, but I do have the desire to start a family. 

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