Sunday, September 12, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 21

So since the questions became less thought-provoking for me, I have slipped a little on this project as far as my blog is concerned. However, in my everyday life, I have remained dedicated to 30 Days of Truth and engrossed myself in being completely honest & authentic for this month. I have had some very real (truthful & uncomfortable) conversations with the people in my life.

Some of these have included - 

- Talking with JD about "timing" (with regards to our relationship, confessions of our emotions, and baby-making), being "right" or "not right" for each other, etc.
- Engaging with one of my friends in mutual support & sharing of the emotional rawness & vulnerability that comes with participating in the project. 
- Talking with Mr. Biz about intentions, forgiveness/respect, and why he lied to me
- Trying to work though some issues, miscommunications, misunderstandings, & differing perspectives in one of my friendships.
- Having one of the most intense dates of my life (where truth & authenticity was present in a way I have never encountered).

Day 21's post is supposed to be "(scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got in a fight n hour before. What do you do?" Personally, I find this to be a ridiculous question. I would never not be there for someone in my life who needed me. I've even been there for the people who have hurt me the most deeply if I feel like they need me or I can in some way help. So once again I'm going to substitute a question...

Day 21  What's the difference between 'living' and 'existing'?

So I was searching the web for potential questions and this one jumped out at me. It just fits. One of my mottos has always been "Why should you exist if you're not going to live?". It's up on my self-description on my poetry website and has been for 13 years. It's on my profile description on the social networking sites. It's just the way I approach life. Yet I haven't ever taken the time to actually define what that means to me. Now is my opportunity.

I feel like too many people simply exist. They go through the motions in life, but don't take the time to really engage in it.

For me, living is truly being present in your life. Being aware of every moment. Consciously thinking about your choices and how they effect you and others. Seizing opportunities - but more than that - Creating opportunities. Building genuine relationships by getting to know others, engaging with them, and participating in each other's lives. Being willing to experience all of the emotions that a part of life authentically - love, sadness, regret, anger, joy. Living to me requires both action and inaction. It is not being afraid to do, participate, take risks. But it also requires thinking, reflecting, questioning, self-searching. I strive every day to really live. To be thankful for every moment, whether good or bad, because I know that they are a part of living. Each of those moments shape me and guide my path. I try each day to be aware of my actions, my relationships, my feelings, etc. Part of why I took on #30DaysOfTruth was because I feel like doing projects like this is exactly what changes my life from existing into living. I'm not just letting life pass me by, I'm taking the time to actively be a part of it.

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